Don't panic, but 2024's movie schedule *kinda* syncs up with the Book of Revelations
Keep your fingers crossed that The First Omen is also the only one
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Maybe it's the solar eclipse above my head as I'm writing this, but is anyone else's situation feeling a bit... end-timesy? Apocalipsian? Armageddonish? Well, there's a good chance we're feeling that way because of what's been on the news, but let me suggest something else to you. It could be because 2024's movie schedule syncs up with the Book of Revelations.
Now I know what you're thinking: that kind of argument borders on madness. It requires bending logic close to breaking, stripping ancient literature of fine context, and skewing not just the content but the very soul of some of your most anticipated upcoming films.
All of which I am more than happy to do, if it means proving a point.
Below, I've listed out a few choice Revelations passages and the film I am utterly convinced they predict. Enjoy it, but read quickly. You never know how much time we have left.
Beetlejuice Beetlejuice - Revelations 9:1-2
What it says: "[...] I saw a star that had fallen from the sky to the earth. The star was given the key to the shaft of the Abyss. When he opened the Abyss, smoke rose from it like the smoke from a gigantic furnace."
For the less astronomically inclined among us, the name of Tim Burton's evil ghost derives from a star in the Orion constellation - Betelgeuse. This September, Michael Keaton returns to the role by way of the earth shaking, an abyss opening, and smoke pouring out of the ground...
At least... in a model village. Watch the Beetlejuice Beetlejuice trailer if you don't know what I mean.
Immaculate - Revelations 12:1-2
What it says: "A great sign appeared in heaven: a woman clothed with the sun [...] She was pregnant and cried out in pain as she was about to give birth."
One of the key images of Sydney Sweeney's recent foray into horror is the Euphoria actress dressed in a shimmering visage of the Virgin Mary. Apparently creepy nuns keep this costume in storage in case of a virgin pregnancy? I'm not 100% sure how convents work. In any case, Sweeney is lit to glow in this scene, all-too-reminiscent of this passage's flourescent mother-to-be.
Godzilla x Kong: The New Empire - Revelations 12:3, 13:1, 13:11
What it says: "Then another sign appeared in heaven: an enormous red dragon [...]," "The dragon stood on the shore of the sea," "Then I saw a second beast, coming out of the earth."
A dragon from the sea and a beast from the earth - show me how this prophecy isn't objectively kaiju-focused and I'll show you a bold-faced lie. But it's not just the fact that there's one sea-based, one land-based monster in this text that has me looking at the new Monsterverse film, it's the fashion sense of the former.
To date, we don't know why Godzilla is pink in Kong x Godzilla: The New Empire, but it sure does make me wonder if it's to fulfill a 2,000-year old prediction. Either that, or it's proof that even radioactive dinosaurs are susceptible to longform Barbie-mania.
The First Omen - Revelations 13:18
What it says: "Let him that hath understanding count the number of the beast: for it is the number of a man; and his number is Six hundred threescore and six."
Hey, here's an easy one! The Omen franchise's whole thing is the Book of Revelations and its breakout star, the Antichrist. In fact, this was so obvious a reference to the Biblical end times that I almost took it off this list, but something shook me out of that. Literally - on the day this movie premiered, my home of NYC was rocked by an uncommon 4.7 magnitude earthquake.
And if that's what happens if I do put The First Omen on this list, I am ok not learning what happens if I don't.
Ghostbusters: Frozen Empire - Revelations 16:21
What it says: "And great drops of ice, every one about the weight of a talent, came down out of heaven on men: and men said evil things against God because of the punishment of the ice-drops; for it is very great."
In our current apocalypse, where the term "warmest on record" makes a daily appearence in the news, it's a little bit difficult to envision the world ending by Second Ice Age. Not so for Paul Rudd, Bill Murray, and the rest of the cast of Ghostbusters: Frozen Empire, in which the demon Garraka seeks to unleash a very chilly finale to the human race, not unlike this hailstone-ridden prophecy.
Deadpool & Wolverine - Revelations 19:13, 19:15
What it says: "He is dressed in a robe dipped in blood [...]," "Coming out of his mouth is a sharp sword with which to strike down the nations [...]"
It's Deadpool, and not me, that calls himself "Marvel Jesus" in the first trailer for Deadpool & Wolverine. Similarly, the Book of Revelations features an ass-kicking Messianic type, one that's about as far away from "Prince of Peace" as you can possibly get.
The warrior who will smite the nations in the Bible's most heavy-metal book is described as being dressed in all red and weilding a sword. More than that, the sword is described as coming "out of his mouth," and if there's anything sharper than Wade Wilson's sugnature katana, it's his sass.
BONUS - Venom: The Last Dance - Revelations 9:3
What it says: "And there came out of the smoke locusts upon the earth: and unto them was given power, as the scorpions of the earth have power."
Hmmm, scoprions with power, eh? That sure sounds like a Spider-Man villain to me! And you know who else is a Spider-Man villain, with the same kind of "Venom" for the wall-crawler that the Marvel supervillain Scorpion has? Eh? Eh?
Alright, so this one is a bit of a stretch. But did you think I was going to write a list about the apocaypse and stop at six entries? Not in 2024 AD, baby. From where I am now, that eclipse isn't over yet, and I'm not taking any chances.
Wondering how things are going to look once this whole apocalypse thing shakes out? We were too, which is why we spoke to Fallout showrunners Geneva Robertson-Dworet and Graham Wagner.
